On days like this (a day of waiting for telephone numbers, permission and a meeting with the PS) I'm often thinking how this programme could get shaped. Almost always I get hopelessly lost in my thoughts about the possibilities, chances and things that go wrong. Every time when I try to shape the project for my own state (Nasarawa) I feel I have to ask and wait for proper information from the layer above. The layer above me is only too busy to provide me with the information I need. There by I sometimes think that the federal layer is not sensible of their importance to the state level. I have to wait for information to be able to arrange things on state level. For example in this period; I want to do preparations for next academic year. For those preparations I need information from different parties:
- a list of schools and accurate phone numbers from SUBEB and MoE,
- a definite indication of number of new volunteers
- the planning of state level so I can plan my activities around that.
- The plans they in general have about the programme (because the info about the future keeps changing)
In the meanwhile I’m trying to write a planning with roles and responsibilities with it. I don’t see who is really coordinating this whole project. I know I offered to do it in Nasarawa State, but who is doing is in general? Without a national coordinator it is hard to coordinate stuff on state level unless I start my own thing. Who is keeping everybody involved? I honestly don’t think Chinwe has time enough to coordinate this whole project, I also don’t think Mrs Awakasien has the time and I don’t know anybody else that is involved on state level. Somehow I think the placement Lea and I have is not the right one in this project at the moment. Right now I think this project needs a capacity builder at State level working together with Mrs Awakasien to coordinate this whole programme. For me it feels like: ‘how can an arm function if the head is not there’.
The last time I had this feeling I left it laying aside for too long and waited till I bursted out into tears on the phone with Chinwe. I don’t want that to happen again, but I also don’t want this feeling again. This feeling on waiting for stuff you need and knowing you won’t get it in time. For me time is running out to do the assessments in the schools because schools are closing soon. Also it’s getting really close to the date that was set to have the recruitment week. Still stuff needs to be prepared. I see a lot of work ahead that could have been done a long time ago if the planning was done.
On top of this all, I saw on www.nysccds.org that the programme will be expanded to Jigawa, while in a stakeholders meeting before this launch we decided not to expend to other states and decreasing the number of schools. Thereby Lea told me he will retire from this work in December. How will do his work in Kwara? How will pick up the work in Kano?
For your eyes I may probably see to many lions on the road, but for me it really hinders me in getting my mind set to get to the job I’m here for. I feel I cannot face my national volunteers while the programme feels like a mess. Every time when I see them or speak to them they ask me stuff and I have to tell them I don’t know. That doesn’t feel right.
As I just wrote in the third section one of the solutions I can think of is a capacity builder in NYSC Headquarters to help coordinating this project. This only works if NYSC agrees that they are the leading party in this. If not VSOVSO to handle. That other partner could be a new NGO especially developed for national volunteering or an existing one that wants to partner up. Or VSO needs to great a new PM-job to manage all national volunteering within VSO organisations. This last idea will fit into the new strategic plan (if VSO international agrees on these plans). The last solution can be to have this programme on a small scale and have an international volunteer manage the project.
I don’t want to be to negative and I want to keep thinking about the chances this project has, but for now I feel useless and am (for the second time this month) thinking of going home if nothing is changing soon. It was wrong to invite Lea and me for these placements and just let us do anything we would feel like. This did result in Lea only working for 40% in this project and me searching for any other work I can find (organizing workshops which are not really in my job description, taking part in strategic planning, initiating stakeholders meeting, ordering you all around).
By rereading this blog/letter I realize that the biggest problem for me is that I am a team player and I don’t function very well when I cannot share thoughts. I need somebody or a team to crystallise ideas and shape them together with others. Is this then my downfall? Can I change my way of working? Do I want to change my favourite way of working? I don’t know I think it is one of the basics of VSO, Sharing skills tells me that I have to work together with others. There is nobody to share something with. Or is this the main reason why VSO changed their motto into ‘People first’? with this motto you don’t have to share explicitly anymore.
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